My last post was about the giddy surprise of being chosen as a lulu ambassador, and all the warm fuzzy feelings of being loved, accepted, seen and appreciated. To follow up, I want to add some personal words about what this means in my life at this point in my teaching career, and why it matters.
I have been teaching for almost a year and a half, and full-time for a solid year. I’m finding my voice literally and emotionally. I’m constantly hearing things fly out of my mouth, unplanned. I’m observing as I move toward certain likes and interests, while staying neutral, or even turning away from others. I’m getting into a groove. I’m no one else but myself, and I am no teacher but me.
All this, I know intellectually. And still, and maybe for ever, there is a nagging feeling that I’m not enough. Perhaps I am not good enough, articulate enough, thought-out enough, sweaty enough, stern enough, or sweet enough. ENOUGH!
Therefore, to be recognized where I am, as I am, feels like a miracle. I hadn’t prepared for this honor. I didn’t beef up my resume. I didn’t even apply.
Sure, I will improve, evolve, add-on, and refine. And still, I am enough. To recognize that, is a revelation.