Monthly Archives: September 2011

How To Be Good (at Dating)

I’m good at dating. As strange as it sounds, I am a good dater.

About 7 years ago, after a painful breakup that left me feeling broken down, tired and insecure, I started to date. I dated freely, with passion, with fun, and deep emotions. At the time, each love interest was of supreme importance. I painted a picture of how much fun we’d have together–for the rest of the weekend, the month, or our whole lives.

I was in a groove. I had it all figured out. I knew exactly how much to flirt, and how to kiss the boundaries. Flirting was always less about the guy, more about my performance. I had a new opportunity with every man to make myself more attractive, irresistible, and powerful. I built my own version of sex appeal from scratch. I tested it out, time after time.

But each man was just a way to get closer to myself. I never really worried if I was worthy of love, or if I’d find my match. I believed that I was. I believed that it would happen when I truly wanted it.

And it did, because I did.

 

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Filed under Inside Your Love Life

Know Your Value…TODAY!

Who’s the most influential person out there today? You are!!

It’s true. You have value as a mover and a shaker, and a friend and a lover. Of course you do, you’re brilliant and pretty darned good-looking. 

I know you’ve got numerous projects all going at the same time, each at different stages of completion. You have goals set in place. You’ve mapped out Plans A, and B, and then another couple for good measure, just in case. You have sincere, delicious hope for the future. 

You’ve probably mastered the skill of thinking long-term, envisioning your ideal life. You’re making it real through hard work, focus and perseverance.

But please, please, don’t forget that your self-worth exists TODAY.  It doesn’t magically appear in 7 years when you have expanded your business into a self-sustaining fixture in the community. Nor in three months when your article finally gets published. And not even in a week when the presentation you’ve been preparing for goes off without a hitch. Your value will be as clear then, as it is now.

You have value TODAY, exactly as you are.

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Filed under Inside Your Career, Inside Your Family, Inside Your Friendships, Inside Your Love Life

Living With Doubt

I talk a lot about moments of fear and uncertainty. And how to get past them to the other side–the brighter side of clarity and calm.

But today I’d like to hover over the darker, murky, less comfortable side. I’m talking about very real moments of doubt.  These moments can be unstable and confusing. When they’re happening, there are no words to describe them except “get me outta here, fast.”  But they do indeed exist, and tend to arrive right before inspiration and change.

We can’t gloss over doubts. If we do, nothing will get resolved.  Instead, maybe we can lean in to our doubts and use them to our advantage? If nothing else, our doubts are completely ours–authentic and bizarre and filled with our own personality.

The exact thing that causes doubt–our ability to work, love, look good, or be compassionate, for example–can be our best asset. Because if we do what we set out to do, while feeling unsteady and unsure, we’re doing it with bravery. Double whammy of goodness!

Living this way gives every moment a fist pumping “I can do it!” enthusiasm. And we can, without a doubt.

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Filed under Inside Your Career, Inside Your Family, Inside Your Friendships, Inside Your Love Life

Color of the Week–Get In the Expresso Lane!

Color of the Week–Get In The Expresso Lane! by OPI.

Seriously autumnal. This color is more taupe-y gray then purple. Matte. Sexy. Break out the sweaters and tweed, we’re going dark!

 

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Because It Feels So Good.

Seasons change. Change is hard. And this seasonal transition to Fall feels like a doozy.

For the past week I haven’t been able to think clearly. My body felt like a bag of bones. My teaching was confused, uninspired, and tired. What the hell?

But then I attended a yoga class. And amazingly, every stretch and extension felt like sloughing off something old from the inside out,  and awakening some new liquid energy. I was waking up, forming myself anew. I was sweating profusely and breathing deeply. I let out unexpected sighs. Loudly!  I was meeting my best self, the magic self that can do extraordinary things.

A cobra wasn’t just a cobra, but a one-of-a-kind work of art, created specially by me. A forward bend was a whole back body awkening, a massage tugging at my muscles, guiding me to where one attached itself to another. I didn’t know what was happening and I didn’t care. For the first time since I could remember (a true confession), I actually wished class would last longer. I wanted to stay in this space of renewal and perfection. I knew there was more tension to unleash, more cramped sleeping positions to undo. This felt like a tremendous beginning. I needed more.

But wait–Of course there would be more! I practice yoga. I teach yoga.

I remember why I come back to yoga: Because it feels so good.

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Filed under Inside the Yoga Studio, Inside Your Career

I Want It!

I want something.

I’ve wanted in the past, but all the things I’ve ever wanted were flourishes. I wanted good grades, good hair, a perm. I wanted to find the right pair of jeans. I even wanted to jump into crow from downdog. I wanted these things with a low flame desire. They would be lovely, but by no means necessary to my livelihood.

Thankfully, I have never wanted for anything essential. Love from family, emotional and financial support, and neurotic levels of healthcare were all delivered, without question. I’ve received them like they were my birthright.

But now, for what feels like the first time, for real this time, I WANT something. I want with a fire in my belly, I want with clawing fingernails. I want my relationship to be great. I want it to get better. And I want it to last a long time. I admit it–I want, I want, I want!

I have a boyfriend who’s wonderful and generous and sexy. He’s grounded and practical and accepting of my full self, quirks and thrills and all. Like many women before me, I’m trying to advance my career, find professional and financial success all while being loved, and loving my partner. I want to be me regardless of my singlehood or partnership. I want to know that I am enough. And yet I can’t deny that the process of living this relationship has changed me. It continues to change me.  It reminds me of all the things I’ve known and continue to know, and the things I’ve forgotten. My relationship exposes my blank ignorance of so many things.

Not marriage, nor shared real estate, nor children insures a happy and enduring partnership. I know it’s true, but I want it anyway. I want all of it. I want us to be fabulous, and get deeper, and be more of ourselves. I actually want, and I’m not afraid to admit it!

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Filed under Inside Your Career, Inside Your Family, Inside Your Love Life

Who’s Teaching This Class, Anyway?

Monday Sept 12th was a brand new day.

It was certainly new for me, as it was my first regularly scheduled working Monday since I began teaching yoga. I taught at 5:30am, 9:15am, and again at 12:30pm. I taught at the usual studios, and looked out at familiar faces, as well as some new ones.  And yet, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time–the confusion of not knowing what I was walking in to.

At the first public group class at 9:15, I felt the students’ disappointment upon realizing their regular teacher is no longer teaching in that time slot. My old familiar monologue popped up: “Are people enjoying this at all?”, “Will they ever come back?” 

I gave my standard issue performance. I included everything that I can’t NOT bring into the room–my voice, my analogies, my personality. I wondered how the instruction would be received. Luckily, I got my answer mid-class, while demonstrating a complicated pose. When I looked up I saw 15 smiling faces, nodding their heads in recognition. I’d won them over!

We’ll get to know eachother, these students and me. This week, they’re just moving bodies as I instruct and adjust. But soon, they will become well rounded people that I adore.

 

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Filed under Inside the Yoga Studio, Inside Your Career, Inside Your City, Inside Your Friendships

Life Won’t Always Look Like This

My life won’t always look like this. I won’t always be looking out from my fire escape, onto the cranes, the water, and Governer’s Island. I won’t always be gazing out this particular window, at these particular surroundings.

My life won’t always look like this. Of course it won’t, that would be crazy, silly and ridiculous. Yet sometimes I feel that it might, that nothing will change. When I’m feeling unhappy or stuck, I remind myself that soon I’ll look back on this time period from the safe distance of memory.

Take a look around. See the objects you touch, the emails you send, the furniture you sit on, and even the foods you eat. It’s possible to love your life right now–your drippy faucets, loud neighbors, and long walk to the train.

Personally, I feel deep, delicious gratitude for the impermanence of life and the promise of a new scene out my window.

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Filed under Inside Your City

I am not a superfood.

I’ve been on an experimental health kick for the last two weeks. Nudged along by the good intentions of my friends, I’ve entered the world of juices, smoothies, and superfoods.

Don’t get me wrong, I am generally a healthy person. I order grilled chicken salads and sashimi bento boxes for lunch. I snack on whole fruits. I eat food that resembles actual food (with the gaping exception of my Italian Ice obsession.)  Therefore, I was surprised to find that my new nutrient-packed lifestyle made me feel like crap. And not in a good way.

It all started with a smoothy. In it, was a mash-up of spinach and other greens. After a little finagling with the recipe, adding extra salt and ice cubes, it was perfectly delicious. Because it was a smoothy and not a juice, all the fiber and chunky bits were included with the liquid. I thought this would be an advantage–less ingredients to produce more of the thick green stuff.  But after a little while, my body felt water-logged, bloated and spherical.

A few days later, I decided to give smoothies another try. This time, I wanted something sweet. I opted for blueberry, the antioxidant-rich ingredient of the moment. I also added raspberries, soy milk, whey protein and flaxseed oil. What a healthy way to start the day–pure protein, good omegas, and antioxidants! I sipped that baby right up! 

Thankfully I was only a short walk from home. After I couple blocks my belly rumbled. By block three I was running home as fast as my little legs could carry me. I got home just in time for the inevitable. Surely, this was not the intended response. Right?

Third try, dinner of sautéed kale with quinoa and pomegranate seeds. The meal was generously prepared by my dear friend Danielle. [Danielle, you know I love you. There’s no one else who’d understand this blog better.] After a full helping of greens, I felt woozy. I was a little nauseous, and uninterested in food. Not surprisingly, I was bloated.

What do I do now? Is my body rebelling against the sheer amount of nutrients in one sitting? Is my reaction normal? I guess I’m not ready to commit to a diet made up of superfoods, antioxidants and natural enimas.

I’m heading to Louie G’s.

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Filed under Inside Your Friendships, Inside Your Lunch Pail

Color of the Week–Razzmatazz

Base Coat: A Grape Fit! By OPI
Top Coat: Show It And Glow it! By OPI

Fine. So it’s not exactly called Razzmatazz, but it should be. Do you see what I did here? This brilliant color/texture combo (also on toes, not shown) was designed completely by yours truly!

OPI should really put me on their payroll.

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Filed under Inside Your Make-up Bag