The Dating Project, the newest segment here at The Inside Voice! We’re talking to sexy, successful and smarty-pants women to find out what they really think and feel about dating. Because being single doesn’t mean you’re ALONE.
So, let’s get right to it–Meet Ruth!***
1. How old are you? 28
2. Are you in a relationship right now? No.
3. How old were you when you got into your…
first real relationship? 22
first kiss? 17
first role in the hay? 22
4. Place in order of importance: Work, Friends, Relationship, Other
Right now, meaningful work is number one. Without that, I can’t focus on anything else seriously. After that, close friendships and relationships. I really want more of a community. I feel like I have a lot of friends, but we hang all out separately. I have a few communities here in NYC, but I’d love to have them all meshed somehow.
5. Can you spot any patterns in past relationships?
Definitely! Putting up with too much, accommodating too much. I try to keep things snarky and witty in relationships, sometimes to avoid actually saying what I feel. When I’m uncomfortable, I aim to please.
6. Wow, that’s a lot! Sounds like you’ve put some thought into this! Ok, so what does your dating life look like now?
nonexistent. I’m good at flirting but I usually just act like myself all the time, nothing put on or overdone.
7. That’s a good strategy. Being yourself is a very good thing. So, on a scale of 1-10, How confident are you?
I’d say a 6, but it varies a lot. I think I have a lot of perception of what’s happening around me, and the feelings of others. But I’m least confident about where I am in my life professionally, and how much I’m actually capable of. I’m pretty hard on myself.
8. On a scale of 1-10, how comfortable are you interacting with potential partners?
I’m pretty comfortable interacting with people, but I never meet people I’m interested in. In the past, I met guys at work or school. My parents told me I’d meet someone doing activities that I enjoy, or through friends of friends. Kinda quaint, right?
9. What attributes are most attractive to you in a partner?
Definitely humor, and confidence.
10. A) What do you want your dating/love life to look like?
Right now, I want someone who can easily fold into my life. I want something meaningful. I want to be pursued. I want someone to take charge. I want someone to call the shots. I want someone with strong opinions, and clear in their desires. I guess I want a friend first, but I’m also happy being single.
B) In a word, what does that scenario feel like? Safe.
11. So, what’s holding you back?
I feel stuck right now, professionally. And that translates into everything else. I need more confidence in my work life before I can get confidence in dating.
12. OK, last question. Do you believe in “The One”?
Nahh. But I used to. I want to be married eventually. I want a partner. I want us to have our own lives, respecting and growing and learning together. But there could be a number of people who could fill that role.
Thanks Ruth!!! You’re fabulous.
Inside Voice Wrap Up: Ruth is gorgeous. She’s serious, she’s smart, she has a can-do attitude. She told me that talking about her love life, her desires, and her past helped her to work out her thoughts on love and dating. She’s optimistic, and she should be! Ruth is completely herself in everything she does. I believe that when Ruth finds a meaningful job, she’ll feel more confident. And when she’s more confident, she’ll be more relaxed and settled, and ready for someone just as fabulous as she is to waltz into her life.
***Some names have been changed, some haven’t. Each woman has the option to use her own name or choose her fantasy pseudonym. I’m not telling which ones are which. Hear these women’s voices. Listen to their stories. They’re just like you!