Welcome Back to…
The Dating Project, the newest segment here at The Inside Voice! We’re talking to sexy, successful and smarty-pants women to find out what they really think and feel about dating. Because being single doesn’t mean you’re ALONE.
Let’s meet Rose!***
1. How old are you? 26
2. Are you currently in a relationship? Yes.
Oh, lovely. How long have you been dating? 3 weeks.
How fun! We’ll get back to your new romance soon enough. But first–
3. Place in order of importance: Work, Friends, Relationship, Other.
Relationships and work are tied for number one. And friends are steadily in there too. Ideally all those things would be equal, and have my equal attention.
4. Can you spot any patterns in past relationships?
Recently, I’ve dated people who don’t live in the same geographical place as I am. I’ve asked myself if I’m trying to sabotage the relationships by choosing people so far away. I don’t think I am. It’s just that I love to travel and explore. And I’m attracted to people with shared passions and interests like that. I’m also fiercely independent, and I love that in other people. I’ve been in relationships with equally independent people who aren’t tied down by regular 9-5 jobs, or a clear and steady path. The problem is that they don’t want to be tied down by a relationship either. So that doesn’t always work out well. And now, my current guy is applying to graduate schools all over the country for the Fall, so there’s that whole geographical thing popping up again. But I’m trying to focus on the present.
5. Rate yourself, on a scale 1-10:
6. Rate yourself, on a scale 1-10:
7. What barriers keep you from meeting a guy you like?
In the past year, I’ve been meeting lots of people. But now I’m dealing with an overactive schedule. I’m too busy and there just isn’t enough time to meet the right people. Because I meet so many people, I get confused about how to sift through all of that “raw data.”
8. How do you think you get in your own way, in terms of meeting people?
Well, I would always feel so open and receptive when I was traveling. And so I met all these foreign boys. But then I realized I could choose to be open even when I wasn’t traveling, like when I was just living at home like a normal person.
9. What does your dating life look like now?
I’m dating this new guy, I really like him. We talk just about every day, either on the phone or in person. We see each other like every other day or so. We both want someone to “check in with.” Even though I have amazing friends, now it’s like I have this one person who’s consistent and there for me. I feel like I’m not alone.
10. What attributes are most attractive to you in a partner?
I want my partner to be passionate about their work, and art, and their contribution to the world, whatever that is. I want them to be compassionate toward others. I like intense and serious people, but at the same time, I couldn’t be with someone who took themselves too seriously–that’s such a turn off!
11. a) What does your perfect love life look like?
Well, I’d be in a relationship with someone who definitely lives in the same place as I do. That would be a good start. We’d both be on our own path, but those paths would somehow be integrated. We’d be supportive of each other. We’d be a steady presence for each other. The relationship would be physically rejuvenating and restorative. I’d like to live in some place rural, or at least connected to the environment. We’d make things grow together, both plants and projects.
Wow. That was the most beautiful image ever.
b) In a word (or words), what does that scenario feel like?
It feels like being wrapped up in a blanket, sitting in front of a fireplace. Together we’re feeding logs to the fire, making it grow. It’s warm and comfy.
Seriously Rose, you’re too good.
12. Last question, do you believe in “The One”?
I don’t know. On one hand, there are endless people in the world, so it seems impossible. But then again, maybe there can be one person that’s perfect for you, but that doesn’t mean they have to fill all of your needs. You need other relationships too, I think.
Thanks Rose! You’re such a love muffin!
Inside Voice Wrap Up: Rose came to me wanting to talk about her past relationships, and I suspect, wanting to tell me all about her new relationship. She is happy and hopeful, even though it’s very new. She reported that she and her boyfriend started to share their life dreams with each other. They don’t have the same dreams, exactly, but she can see how their dreams and plans could work together. She said she’d never been that honest with someone before. And I don’t think she’d been that vulnerable before either. That’s a big deal. Whether this relationship lasts for 50 more years or 5 more minutes, Rose knows how to love. She loves herself, and she allows herself to be vulnerable. She can sit in a place of discomfort or uncertainty without throwing a tantrum. I’m thrilled to find out how her love life unfolds.
***Some names have been changed, some haven’t. Each woman has the option to use her own name or choose her fantasy pseudonym. I’m not telling which ones are which. Hear these women’s voices. Listen to their stories. They’re just like you!