Welcome Back to…
The Dating Project, the newest segment here at The Inside Voice! We’re talking to sexy, successful and smarty-pants women to find out what they really think and feel about dating. Because being single doesn’t mean you’re ALONE.
Let’s meet Kimberly!***
1. How old are you? 36
2. Are you currently in a relationship? No.
3. Place in order of importance: Work, Friends, Relationship, Other.
Well, if all things were a 10 (on a 1-10 scale) I’d say Friends, Relationship, and then Work. I’m not in a relationship now but it’s important to me, theoretically, I guess.
4. Can you spot any patterns in past relationships?
Yes. I keep meeting guys in transition. It’s just getting to be ridiculous at this point. The last three guys were the same sort of thing. They were getting out of serious relationships themselves, and didn’t really have a settled place to call home. My apartment became a crash-pad for men. To be totally honest, the reason I left my apartment on Greene Street is because I wanted to leave all those bad memories behind. It was sort of like a youth hostel for men who were re-living their youth, or something. I needed to get out.
Wow, that’s a bold move!
5. Rate yourself, on a scale 1-10:
Self Confidence-At 10am I’m a 7. At dusk, I can get as low as a 3. But to be fair, I can peak as high as an 8 on weekends!
Um, work getting you down, much?!
Attractiveness-I can get down to a 2.5 or 3 depending on acne, and how much sleep I get. But when I do it up, I can get up to a 7 or 8. I know how to get cute every now and then.
That’s the funniest, and yet most honest answer to that question I’ve heard yet!
6. What barriers keep you from meeting a guy you like?
Effort. I’m not putting any effort into it right now. I’ve always felt like I need a medium to meet a guy, like music or a mutual friend, but really it could be anything. I’m not going to just walk up to a guy and say “Hey, let’s go out on a date.” I need something to be collaborative, something where we relate to the world, and get to know each other and talk about things. I do want to be more forward with guys though, and not always depend on the situation.
You mean like flirting?
Yes, except I don’t want to look dumb, like giggling a lot and answering (nasally voice) “oh that’s so cool, awesome.”
Oh god, that sounds terrible. I assure you, it’s possible to flirt and never act like that.
And also, I’m in transition myself. I’m thinking about changing careers, maybe going to grad school, I don’t know. So I’m just putting it on the shelf right now. But, if I “won the lottery” and the perfect guy showed up, I’d work my transition around him.
7. What does your dating life look like now?
It looks like a 28-year-old kid hitting on me in my drawing class. What do I do? I just want to zip up his coat for him!
8. What attributes are most attractive to you in a partner?
Patient and Funny. If he’s got those two things, we’re good.
9. a) What does your perfect love life look like?
Best Friend. Someone I can create with, work on a project with. Even if it’s just work around the house, or making a funny film. I want someone to share a creative outlet with.
b) In a word (or words), what does that scenario feel like?
Warm and Grounding.
10. Last question, do you believe in “The One”?
Yeeeeeaaahhhh………I believe in The One. There’s a lid to every pot, it’s very specific. Sounds like something your grandmother would say, doesn’t it?
Kinda, yeah. Thanks Kimberly!
Inside Voice Wrap Up: Kimberly is indeed in transition. She’s interested in love and a relationship and everything that goes with it. But not quite for right now. As she says, she’s “putting that on the shelf” for the moment. I think that’s great. Sometimes you need a little time and space to not be dating, to not focus on your interactions with potential partners. Right now, she’s focused on her work transition. She mentioned many times during our interview how her day-to-day work life is depleting her. She likes the actual work, but doesn’t really connect with the people that she works with. She feels like she doesn’t fit in there, and isolated and disconnected. Obviously, from her decision to change apartments to change her mindset, we know she’s capable of change. I think that when Kimberly makes a decision to either go to grad school, or change jobs, or both, she’ll feel renewed. Ideally, it would be great for her to have a work environment where she can be herself as completely as possible. If this is the case, I think it’s likely she’ll meet someone great through work. Not necessarily a coworker, but maybe a friend of a friend connected with work, that kind of thing. As she said, Kimberly needs a medium for meeting people, and a happy work life is a rich resource. Until then, however, we’ll work on her flirting skills!
***Some names have been changed, some haven’t. Each woman has the option to use her own name or choose her fantasy pseudonym. I’m not telling which ones are which. Hear these women’s voices. Listen to their stories. They’re just like you!