Recently, I received an interesting question from Ruth, The Dating Project’s very first interview! She writes:
RUTH (via text): Hey D-How long does it typically take you (you personally) to figure out if you want to keep dating someone?
ME (Also via text, mind you. My thumbs were sore): Nice question. For me, there are two distinct levels to pass.
First level is just deciding to continue seeing them again, and not immediately turning down another date. That could take up to 2 dates. Maybe 3. If I’m not thrilled by the third date, it’s time to go. But usually, I know a lot sooner, sometimes before date #1 is even over!
The second level for me is “going steady.” It’s the stage where we’re seeing each other maybe twice a week, we’re exclusive, and open about planning dates in the future. I know all about his hometown, family, schooling and career path. By then, I also understand the subtleties of his personality. He gets along really well with my friends, and I can see that his friends love him dearly. He’s nice to my local barista. We’ve laughed together, a lot. And maybe we’ve even had our first “conversation” where something needed to be clarified about what I wanted/liked/disliked. We survived that conversation and made up.
This phase usually takes about 10-15 dates. Depending on how often we see each other, that could be 2-3 months.
And after that, I’ve got myself a proper Gentlemanfriend!