Welcome Back to…
The Dating Project, the newest segment here at The Inside Voice! We’re talking to sexy, successful and smarty-pants women to find out what they really think and feel about dating. Because being single doesn’t mean you’re ALONE.
Let’s meet Trevor!***
1. How old are you? 29
2. Are you currently in a relationship? No. I still like this boy from DC. We met at a party last year and really hit it off. Oddly, I find him so inspiring, he makes me want to get stuff done. I go to DC to see my friends there, and we hang out. And he comes to New York pretty often. It’s always vague. I’m open-minded about it, I really like him, but it’s not a relationship.
3. Place in order of Importance: Work, Friends, Love, Other.
Why can’t they all be equal? I strive for balance. I want a job that matters, friends that matter, and work that matters. I want my work to be contributing something to the world at large.
4. Can you spot any patterns in past relationships?
I go for the emotionally and geographically unavailable. Because if they were here, I’d have the risk of losing it.
My emotional barometer is so high. Loving challenging people (which I do) means dealing with a lot of shit. So I deal with a lot of shit really well. I gravitate toward situations that are emotionally difficult. I feel that it gives it “weight”. I think loving someone should be hard.
Guys always love to be my friend, I’m always in the “friend zone.” I’m the one they feel comfortable with. What is going on? Sometimes I think I’m too laid back. I don’t hold grudges, I’m easy to get close to. And I’m easy to walk away from.
5. Rate yourself, on a scale 1-10:
Self Confidence-9. To do what I’m doing, it comes with the territory. (ed. note: Trevor quit her job in publishing, became a certified yoga instructor, and wrote a book, all in the past year. She’s shopping around for publishers.)
Self-love-8-10. Now I’m a 10, but last year I was an 8. With yoga and writing, I’ve reached a point of self acceptance.
Attractiveness-7. I feel as if people in a relationship would have higher scores on this. It’s easier to know you’re confident and sexy when you’re in a relationship.
That’s interesting. I can’t say I’ve found it to be one way or another.
6. What barriers keep you from meeting a guy you like?
I don’t want to be in New York City for the long-term. I don’t feel like I have a lot in common with the men here. I’m avoiding the whole dilemma of falling in love here but then not wanting to live here. I’m open to it….but the energy of the city wears me out. It seems that all the men here are excited by the same stuff, going to restaurants, bars, and shopping. I have different interests. I can make lists of the kind of guy I want, but at the end of the day I accept whatever comes. I’m open to the fact that it can all change.
7. What does your dating life look like now?
It looks like my book and my yoga career. It looks like business. I’m refusing to make dating like a job. I want it to be organic.
8. What attributes are most attractive to you in a partner?
Strength, conviction in yourself. I will support someone, but I don’t want to build someone up. Awareness of people and the environment. Knowing you’re a person among many, many things. Also, likes extreme sports and animals.
9. a) What does your perfect love life look like?
A best friend that I can have sex with. So many people just want a boyfriend. I don’t understand a boyfriend that doesn’t fit into the rest of your life. I want to be friends with the person first. Getting to know someone is SO important.
b) In a word (or words), what does that scenario feel like?
Happy, simple. I tend to be intense and overcompensate. But people who really know me know that I’m not that. I don’t play games. I wouldn’t do that with the right person. I want to be a good person in every person’s life. I want to be what other people need from me.
10. Last question, do you believe in “The One”?
Maybe a few? I don’t know, I hadn’t really thought about it. There are so many people, how could there be just 1?
Inside Voice Wrap Up: Trevor’s got a lot going on in her life. As she said, she earned that “9” in Self-Confidence! In the past year, she listened to her heart and changed her life. She completed her book, and feels a sense of completion upon telling her story. She’s doing exactly what she wants to do. How awesome and ballsy is that?!
Trevor loves the boys. She wants intimacy, partnership, and deep love. And there’s no reason it won’t happen for her. However, she’s not interested in those things right now. Sure, she’s having a good time with the guy in DC, and she’s “open” to whatever pops up. But in my opinion, like everything else in her life, she has to actively choose it. She has to want it. And right now she’s not clear about what she wants in a relationship. She’s not clear where she wants it, nor how it would look and feel. A world of dating is opening up for her right now. It will be full of surprises, and thrills, and all the requisite heartache and personal growth that goes along with that. Trevor is well on her way, and I’m excited to follow her on her dating journey.
***Some names have been changed, some haven’t. Each woman has the option to use her own name or choose her fantasy pseudonym. I’m not telling which ones are which. Hear these women’s voices. Listen to their stories. They’re just like you!