Category Archives: Inside Your Career

How To NOT Smother Your Boyfriend

My dear friend Ruth, who I’ve had the pleasure interviewing for The Dating Project, has been dating a great guy for a few months now. She asked, I answer.

I want to be open and warm and loving and attentive. But not smother my boyfriend. What should I be doing, or NOT doing?

Ruth, you are open, warm, loving and attentive. You’re one of the nicest people I know. You’re a pleasure to be around. You also have great friends, a loving family, and a creative career path.

So don’t hold back. And don’t worry about smothering your boyfriend. You won’t. You’re too solidly grounded in your own wonderful life to lose yourself in his. You have too many things going on to devote the time and effort it would take to smother your boyfriend. It’s not possible. You’re a busy girl with a big heart. You give him everything you feel comfortable giving him, and that’s a lot. But not too much. He won’t be scared of your kindness, he’ll be thrilled. Who wouldn’t love a sexy, gorgeous thing like yourself making nicey-nicey in their direction?

Go ahead, be as open, warm, loving and attentive as you are. You’re not going to overdo it.

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Filed under Inside Your Career, Inside Your Family, Inside Your Friendships, Inside Your Love Life

The Dating Project…Meet Megan!

Welcome Back to…

The Dating Project, the newest segment here at The Inside Voice! We’re talking to sexy, successful and smarty-pants women to find out what they really think and feel about dating. Because being single doesn’t mean you’re ALONE.

Let’s meet Megan!***

1. Age and Occupation? 29. Showroom Manager.

2. Are you currently in a relationship? No.

3. Place in Order of Importance: Work, Friends, Love, Other.

Humanity, Love, Friends, Work, Stuff.

What do you mean by “Humanity”? The world, everything that happens on Page 6, the Planet.

And “Stuff”? The good life, music, wine, Brooklyn, books.

And when I think of “love”, I also think of “friends”.

4. Can you spot any patterns in past relationships?

Oh yeah. I’ve been single for 2 years. Two years ago I wouldn’t be so clear on my patterns, but now I can see them.

Before a relationship forms, I get this idea that the guy doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. So then the rest of the relationship comes from a place of insecurity and a lack of self-worth. Crazy, right?

Now I get it. And I don’t feel like it’s all my fault. I don’t feel out of control.

5. Rate yourself, on a scale 1-10:

Self Confidence-8.5

Self-Love-9

Attractiveness-8

6. What barriers keep you from meeting a guy you like?

I keep myself from meeting a guy I like. I’m the barrier. For a long time I had a hard time being vulnerable. And I wasn’t interested in what I was doing professionally. I was down on myself. I didn’t feel fulfilled, or like I could bring anything to the table.

But that changed in the past 6 months. Now I do feel like I have something to contribute. I’ve been doing yoga, and work that I care about, and I’ve gone through a tremendously fulfilling personal transition. I feel closer to my family than I ever have. I feel welcomed, loved, received with open arms. I’ve changed the way I believe in the world. I’ve changed the way I look at people. Now I believe in love.

7. What does your dating life look like now?

I took a major break from dating. I was on pause, there hadn’t been much. But recently, it feels like there are prospects.

Where are you meeting people? Or where do you imagine you’ll meet people?

Through friends. Now I’m finally talking about wanting to meet someone. I’m telling friends, and they’re keeping it on their radar. Also, I made it my New Years Resolution to begin a relationship by the end of 2012.

Wow, that’s fantastic! If you made that New Year’s Resolution, it’s as good as done. I can’t wait to meet him!

8. What attributes are most attractive to you in a partner?

Humor, intelligence, open-mindedness, loving, kind, creative, compassionate, inspiring, cute, not too serious. Someone who can cook, well-read, hardworking, guys with sisters.

9. a) What does your perfect love life look like?

In a city, moving around, being social, equal parts out-and-about at home-time. It’s hard, not easy. Like in yoga, there’s strength and grace. It’s natural, and it’s also hard work. Keeping your own identity, open communication. Oh, and it will be FUN.

b) In a word (or words), what does that scenario feel like?

Like “in the body”, what does it feel like? It feels like nervous butterflies in the tummy and racing heart. But also secure, deep and warm. It feels like a big smile.

10. Last question, do you believe in “The One”?

No, but I believe you create The One. You show up, and then The One shows up in that context. You choose The One and then make it work.

Thanks Megan!

Inside Voice Wrap Up: Megan is a very special case. She’s starting over, fresh and renewed. She took a break from dating to get other big aspects of her life in order. She succeeded–she’s created a meaningful career path for herself, and a deeper connection to her family. She has more love in her life, coming from the outside in, and more importantly, from the inside out. When Megan starts dating seriously, I think she’ll enjoy it a LOT more than she did a few years ago. This time around, she’ll find the “strength and grace” to stay curious and playful while retaining her freedom and self-identity.

Megan sets goals. Megan sticks to her goals. If she set her mind to starting a relationship by the end of 2012, she will indeed make that happen. I’m looking forward to meeting the lucky guy!

***Some names have been changed, some haven’t. Each woman has the option to use her own name or choose her fantasy pseudonym. I’m not telling which ones are which. Hear these women’s voices. Listen to their stories. They’re just like you!

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6 Ways to Describe Single Women

Single Women can be described in over 600 ways. Or Six.

I spend much of my time with Single Women. They inspire me, and they challenge me. Hell, some of my best friends are Single Women. And as you probably know, I used to be a Single Woman myself. Over the years, I’ve found that Single Women are…

1. Happy. Single women serve their own needs first. And a girl needs to be happy. If happiness lives in a box of Jacques Torres chocolate truffles and a restorative yoga class on Friday night, so be it. Who’s going to argue otherwise?

2. Connected. Single women have strong, solid relationships. They communicate clearly and often, with dear friends and chosen family. Single women have friendships that only deepen with time and trials and tribulations. Friendships can outlive boyfriend after boyfriend.

3. Feminine. Single Women tend to know other Single Women. And when you put a few Single Women in one space, you get a full-blown Goddess Gathering. That is, you get a group of women who are not afraid to be as “feminine” as they naturally are. Women communicate and share. Women tackle sticky topics like work, sex, babies, mothers, fathers, pain, fears, and true happiness. Women emote. Single Women emote a lot.

4. Hot. Single women are hot. Single Women are in your yoga class, rocking out in spinning class, and treating themselves to sushi dinners. Single women dine out on small plates and a glass (or 3) of wine. Most Single Women eat out a lot. And eating out, contrary to popular belief, is not fattening. However, it is expensive. Hence, the small plates, and the skinny jeans.

5. Stylish. Single Women have great wardrobes. They know where to shop, and how to shop. They know how to show off their best features. Single Women are peacocks, after all.

6. Rockstars. Single Women are Rockstars, at least according to Great Aunt Roz in Fort Lauderdale. If you’re a Single Woman, the relatives think you’re fabulous, or famous, or both. So what if they don’t quite understand what you do for a living, or how you spend your time and money? They can see that Single Women do things a little differently from most of the nice girls in your high school graduating class. Single Women have parties to attend, and people to see. Single Women are the family Rockstars!

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Filed under Inside the Yoga Studio, Inside Your Career, Inside Your Closet, Inside Your Family, Inside Your Friendships, Inside Your Love Life, Inside Your Lunch Pail

The Dating Project…Meet Rita!

Welcome Back to…

The Dating Project, the newest segment here at The Inside Voice! We’re talking to sexy, successful and smarty-pants women to find out what they really think and feel about dating. Because being single doesn’t mean you’re ALONE.

Let’s meet Rita!***

1. Age and Occupation? 23. Yoga Studio Manager, Continuous Student.

2. Are you currently in a relationship? Yes.

Ooooh, tell me more!

We started dating last June, and it was casual until September. Then I ended it because it got too serious. He continued to pursue me and I gave in. I wasn’t ready for a relationship until I was, I guess. We got back together in early November. It’s been good ever since.

Interesting! We’ll go deeper into your current relationship in a little bit. But for now…

3. Place in Order of Importance: Work, Friends, Love, Other.

Other, Friends, Love, Work.

What’s “Other” for you? Everyday happiness. Yoga. Good food. Self-Work–that’s definitely my number 1.

4. Can you spot any patterns in past relationships?

My friends call me a “Manizer.” I don’t make the men a priority. I tend to not take the dating relationship seriously. And I’m finding that that behavior can hurt people. I need to be up front about my expectations, right from the start. I usually don’t want to be in a serious relationship, and men often expect that I do.

Also, I have communication issues. I’m such a girl’s girl, I’m used to just talking and relating to women. Men have the capacity to listen and be there for you, but it’s not automatic for them. Men often interject, try to help, or solve a problem. They don’t know when I just want to vent. And I never think to ask for that, specifically.

5. Rate yourself, on a scale 1-10:

Self Confidence-It depends on the arena. Person to person, I’m a 9. In front of the camera, I’m a 1. It’s easy for me to just talk to people, one on one. But, my boyfriend is a photographer. And I realize how NOT confident I am when I get my picture taken. I used to be a model when I came to New York. I developed some unhealthy habits and ideas. I went through this period of not letting myself enjoy food. Yoga totally changed things for me, and I’m in a good place now with my body. I can enjoy the experience of being me, without all the restrictions. But still, that residual stuff with the camera is there. The camera makes me feel like I’m under examination.

Self-Love-10

Attractiveness-8. I’m not necessarily at my peak. I’m waiting for my 30’s.

6. What barriers keep you from meeting a guy you like?

If their lifestyle doesn’t compliment mine, I don’t give them a chance.

7. What does your dating life look like now?

Now I’m in a relationship. I have to stop questioning it, and accept that I’m here in this relationship. We do lots of activities. We have movie night, cooking night, going-out-with-friends night. We both love theater, plays and dance. And he’ll just go out and get a couple of tickets to music concerts. It’s nice. I’d been developing resistance to New York City lately, and this relationship makes me enjoy New York much more.

8. What attributes are most attractive to you in a partner?

Sense of humor. Open mind. Genuinely nice–It’s a deal breaker if a guy is rude to waiters, or anyone else for that matter. Creative. Cute.

9. a) What does your perfect love life look like?

Pretty domestic. I’m such a homebody. We have an intertwined spiritual practice. We may not go to all the same yoga classes, but it’s part of our daily lives. We have quiet meditative time around the house. We’ll both create. Maybe he’ll paint, and I’ll sit and sew something, and we’ll come over and look at each other’s work every now and then.

b) In a word (or words), what does that scenario feel like?

Like one of those internal smiles that can’t go away. It feels like something I’d never want to leave.

10. Last question, do you believe in “The One”?

No. But I believe you can create The One. You choose The One. If you make him your One, he’s The One. But if it doesn’t work out with that One, you can make another One.

Thanks Rita!

Inside Voice Wrap Up: Rita knows herself well. (She knows herself far better than I knew myself at 23. Just sayin’.)  Rita is interested in self exploration. She’s a perfect example what it looks like to use dating as a medium for self growth. She’s finding her place in the world. Without defining herself by her career–because really, at this point she hasn’t truly committed to one–Rita is free to define herself any way she chooses. She is soulful, artistic, and enjoys flirting with men in every which way. She also keeps things light. She has a knee-jerk flight response when relationships get too serious. With her current boyfriend, Rita can enjoy the freedom of being single, yet enjoy the companionship of a partner when she wants it. This is perfect for Rita. Because Rita is, at heart, a single woman. She’s figuring out to make herself as happy as possible. And when she does, a partner will only add to that joy. But until then, Rita is rocking out on her dating path of self-love and self discovery.

***Some names have been changed, some haven’t. Each woman has the option to use her own name or choose her fantasy pseudonym. I’m not telling which ones are which. Hear these women’s voices. Listen to their stories. They’re just like you!

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8 Things To-Do Before Your Best First Date Ever

It’s Date Night!  You’re excited, and a little nervous. Before you step out of the house, make sure you’ve covered the…

8 Things To-Do Before Your Best First Date Ever

1. Get over your Ex. You wish him the best. Really, you do.

2. Get a great job that both nourishes you and earns you boatloads of money. (read: boatloads=enough to pay rent and take a cab home every now and then).

3. Figure out your proper bra size. Invest in a sexy bra/panty set. Wear it on a Tuesday, just ’cause.

4. Learn how to receive a compliment. Practice saying “Thank You” in front of the mirror.

5. Learn how to give a compliment. Compliments feel good for girls and boys. Go on, make your date feel good. Nothing lost, nothing promised, just kind words.

6. Shave your legs. No superstitions, it just feels better.

7. Know where you need to be tomorrow, and at what time. Intentionally choose to (or choose NOT to) end the date accordingly.

8. Drop the expectations. Sometimes, The Best First Dates Ever just creep up on you. (Who knew miniature golf could be so much fun?!)

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The Dating Project…Meet Trevor!

Welcome Back to…

The Dating Project, the newest segment here at The Inside Voice! We’re talking to sexy, successful and smarty-pants women to find out what they really think and feel about dating. Because being single doesn’t mean you’re ALONE.

Let’s meet Trevor!***

1. How old are you? 29

2. Are you currently in a relationship? No. I still like this boy from DC. We met at a party last year and really hit it off. Oddly, I find him so inspiring, he makes me want to get stuff done. I go to DC to see my friends there, and we hang out. And he comes to New York pretty often. It’s always vague. I’m open-minded about it, I really like him, but it’s not a relationship.

3. Place in order of Importance: Work, Friends, Love, Other.

Why can’t they all be equal? I strive for balance. I want a job that matters, friends that matter, and work that matters. I want my work to be contributing something to the world at large.

4. Can you spot any patterns in past relationships?

I go for the emotionally and geographically unavailable. Because if they were here, I’d have the risk of losing it.

My emotional barometer is so high. Loving challenging people (which I do) means dealing with a lot of shit. So I deal with a lot of shit really well. I gravitate toward situations that are emotionally difficult. I feel that it gives it “weight”. I think loving someone should be hard.

Guys always love to be my friend, I’m always in the “friend zone.” I’m the one they feel comfortable with. What is going on? Sometimes I think I’m too laid back. I don’t hold grudges, I’m easy to get close to. And I’m easy to walk away from.

5. Rate yourself, on a scale 1-10:

Self Confidence-9. To do what I’m doing, it comes with the territory. (ed. note: Trevor quit her job in publishing, became a certified yoga instructor, and wrote a book, all in the past year. She’s shopping around for publishers.)

Self-love-8-10. Now I’m a 10, but last year I was an 8. With yoga and writing, I’ve reached a point of self acceptance.

Attractiveness-7. I feel as if people in a relationship would have higher scores on this. It’s easier to know you’re confident and sexy when you’re in a relationship.

That’s interesting. I can’t say I’ve found it to be one way or another. 

6. What barriers keep you from meeting a guy you like?

I don’t want to be in New York City for the long-term. I don’t feel like I have a lot in common with the men here. I’m avoiding the whole dilemma of falling in love here but then not wanting to live here. I’m open to it….but the energy of the city wears me out. It seems that all the men here are excited by the same stuff, going to restaurants, bars, and shopping. I have different interests. I can make lists of the kind of guy I want, but at the end of the day I accept whatever comes. I’m open to the fact that it can all change.
7. What does your dating life look like now?
It looks like my book and my yoga career. It looks like business. I’m refusing to make dating like a job. I want it to be organic.
8. What attributes are most attractive to you in a partner?
Strength, conviction in yourself. I will support someone, but I don’t want to build someone up. Awareness of people and the environment. Knowing you’re a person among many, many things. Also, likes extreme sports and animals.
9. a) What does your perfect love life look like?
A best friend that I can have sex with. So many people just want a boyfriend. I don’t understand a boyfriend that doesn’t fit into the rest of your life. I want to be friends with the person first. Getting to know someone is SO important.
b) In a word (or words), what does that scenario feel like?
Happy, simple. I tend to be intense and overcompensate. But people who really know me know that I’m not that. I don’t play games. I wouldn’t do that with the right person. I want to be a good person in every person’s life. I want to be what other people need from me.
10. Last question, do you believe in “The One”?
Maybe a few? I don’t know, I hadn’t really thought about it. There are so many people, how could there be just 1?
Thanks Trevor!
Inside Voice Wrap Up: Trevor’s got a lot going on in her life. As she said, she earned that “9” in Self-Confidence! In the past year, she listened to her heart and changed her life. She completed her book, and feels a sense of completion upon telling her story. She’s doing exactly what she wants to do. How awesome and ballsy is that?!
Trevor loves the boys. She wants intimacy, partnership, and deep love. And there’s no reason it won’t happen for her. However, she’s not interested in those things right now. Sure, she’s having a good time with the guy in DC, and she’s “open” to whatever pops up. But in my opinion, like everything else in her life, she has to actively choose it. She has to want it. And right now she’s not clear about what she wants in a relationship. She’s not clear where she wants it, nor how it would look and feel. A world of dating is opening up for her right now. It will be full of surprises, and thrills, and all the requisite heartache and personal growth that goes along with that.  Trevor is well on her way, and I’m excited to follow her on her dating journey.
***Some names have been changed, some haven’t. Each woman has the option to use her own name or choose her fantasy pseudonym. I’m not telling which ones are which. Hear these women’s voices. Listen to their stories. They’re just like you!

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The Dating Project…Meet Lainey!

Welcome Back to…

The Dating Project, the newest segment here at The Inside Voice! We’re talking to sexy, successful and smarty-pants women to find out what they really think and feel about dating. Because being single doesn’t mean you’re ALONE.

Let’s meet Lainey!***

1. How old are you? 27

2. Are you currently in a relationship? No.

3. Place in order of Importance: Work, Friends, Love, Other.

Love, Friends, Work. That’s the order of importance, according to how I feel. But that’s not how I’m spending my time with any dedication or follow-through.

I’m comfortable with protocol in work, but not following protocol with love. Love and family are so important to me. But I don’t get how do it.

I do business meetings really well, and the energy of a business meeting is really different from a date. When I’m “on” in a business meeting, I’m in a specific role. But that role, that “on-ness” makes me a not-so-good date. Being “on” feels good but it’s not connected to an emotionally real place. And that’s the place interactions on a date should come from, a place of real connection. The role is just safer. I totally get off on the work stuff, and being good at what I do. It’s satisfying on a base level but it’s just not that deep.

4. Can you spot any patterns in past relationships?

Yeah. This actually seems pretty shocking to my friends who know me and my past, but I don’t feel like I’ve ever been in a real relationship. I tend to get in to complicated hot/cold passionate and difficult relationships. It just doesn’t feel stable enough to be real. And they’ve never been fully monogamous. No one would say at a party,”this is my girlfriend, Lainey”.

Also, I’m SO giving and loyal. I don’t give up on people. I do this with my friends, and with my boyfriends. I’m not an “out of sight, out of mind person”, I stick with people. But when someone doesn’t reciprocate with that level of generosity, it makes me feel rejected.

5. Rate yourself, on a scale 1-10:

Self Confidence-7

self-love-7

Attractiveness-5

It’s a bad deduction. I’m always thinking “where’s the booger hanging out of my nose” because I feel like it must be something as ridiculous as that. I don’t understand what else it could be.

6. What barriers keep you from meeting a guy you like?

It’s a perfect storm of:

1) Circumstance–there are logistical realities to meeting people, of course.

2) Mounting Fear of Rejection–continuous rejection makes it harder to do it again an again. The momentum builds in the wrong way.

3) Larger Psychological Reasons–like, Why am I picking the people I’m picking? I don’t understand my own functioning. This is the overarching reason, or barrier for me meeting a guy. My love life doesn’t makes sense to me.

7. What does your dating life look like now?

I’m online dating. I’m meeting a lot of first dates. And I have at least two “grey area” friendships.

Explain, please…

They’re people I truly love, they’re some of my favorite people in the world. Deep friends. We’ve hooked up before, but I know for sure that I don’t want to be in a relationship with them. But when we’re both single we do “grey area” things, like sleep in the same bed, hang out like a couple, hold hands, maybe sleep together. It’s an intimacy place holder.

Also, there are a couple of people in California that I hook up with.

8. What attributes are most attractive to you in a partner?

1) Intelligence/Wit [ed. note: she actually said “intelligence slash wit”]

2) They’d have a relationship with their own emotions

3) Artistic inclination. It’s more of a world view thing, a sense-based curiosity.

4) Someone that I trust. I trust who they are as a person, and also their advice and opinions.

I don’t want to be dominant in a relationship. I don’t like to feel dominant. I know that might seem weird because I’m successful and powerful in my life and work. But I want the man to be dominant.

9. a) What does your perfect love life look like?

I don’t know how to answer this question. My mind keeps going to scheduling. Like when my guy friends tell me about how their girlfriends are upset that they need a night to themselves, I totally understand that need. I want a night to myself too. We’d be together and have space. We’d have a family. We’d have a shared world view. We’d be in sync with life’s beauties, and simple pleasures. There’d be a certain amount of love too.

b) In a word (or words), what does that scenario feel like?

Synthesis. I don’t know if this is too meta, but it’s like we’d share and create the perfect moments. It would be the inspiration for creating another person, for having kids. And of course, it would fee safe and comfortable.

10. Last question, do you believe in “The One”?

No. But I think it’s REALLY hard to find the right person, your soul mate. We can have a number of great loves.

Thanks Lainey!

Inside Voice Wrap Up: Lainey is extraordinary. She is far more articulate than I was able to convey here, from my scribbled notes. She is thoughtful, clear, and honest. What came out most, is not her beauty (she is gorgeous and sexy), but her sincere confusion of what’s going on in her love life. She understands that she doesn’t understand. She’s happy, confident, and self-aware. Yet she has dark feelings surrounding her love life that don’t correlate with the rest of her existence. And so, she doesn’t talk about them. She doesn’t have the language, and she doesn’t have the context.

She mentioned that if there were a roadmap for dating she’d follow it. She likes protocol, and the feeling of progress. She understands hard work. Lainey needs a strategy. She needs to know she’s working toward something. I think the “do-ing” will be internal affirmations so Lainey believes how awesome she is. When someone gives her a compliment, she needs to have a place to put it. There must be a context, or a “container” as Lainey puts it. Let’s get moving on that infrastructure, so the outside world can give her the love and appreciation she wants and needs!

***Some names have been changed, some haven’t. Each woman has the option to use her own name or choose her fantasy pseudonym. I’m not telling which ones are which. Hear these women’s voices. Listen to their stories. They’re just like you!

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The Dating Project…Meet Kimberly!

Welcome Back to…

The Dating Project, the newest segment here at The Inside Voice! We’re talking to sexy, successful and smarty-pants women to find out what they really think and feel about dating. Because being single doesn’t mean you’re ALONE.

Let’s meet Kimberly!***

1. How old are you? 36

2. Are you currently in a relationship? No.

3. Place in order of importance: Work, Friends, Relationship, Other.

Well, if all things were a 10 (on a 1-10 scale) I’d say Friends, Relationship, and then Work. I’m not in a relationship now but it’s important to me, theoretically, I guess.

4. Can you spot any patterns in past relationships?

Yes. I keep meeting guys in transition. It’s just getting to be ridiculous at this point. The last three guys were the same sort of thing. They were getting out of serious relationships themselves, and didn’t really have a settled place to call home. My apartment became a crash-pad for men.  To be totally honest, the reason I left my apartment on Greene Street is because I wanted to leave all those bad memories behind. It was sort of like a youth hostel for men who were re-living their youth, or something. I needed to get out.

Wow, that’s a bold move!

5. Rate yourself, on a scale 1-10:

Self-Love-7

Self Confidence-At 10am I’m a 7. At dusk, I can get as low as a 3. But to be fair, I can peak as high as an 8 on weekends!

Um, work getting you down, much?!

Attractiveness-I can get down to a 2.5 or 3 depending on acne, and how much sleep I get. But when I do it up, I can get up to a 7 or 8. I know how to get cute every now and then.

That’s the funniest, and yet most honest answer to that question I’ve heard yet! 

6. What barriers keep you from meeting a guy you like?

Effort. I’m not putting any effort into it right now. I’ve always felt like I need a medium to meet a guy, like music or a mutual friend, but really it could be anything. I’m not going to just walk up to a guy and say “Hey, let’s go out on a date.” I need something to be collaborative, something where we relate to the world, and get to know each other and talk about things. I do want to be more forward with guys though, and not always depend on the situation.

You mean like flirting?

Yes, except I don’t want to look dumb, like giggling a lot and answering  (nasally voice) “oh that’s so cool, awesome.”

Oh god, that sounds terrible. I assure you, it’s possible to flirt and never act like that.

And also, I’m in transition myself. I’m thinking about changing careers, maybe going to grad school, I don’t know. So I’m just putting it on the shelf right now. But, if I “won the lottery” and the perfect guy showed up, I’d work my transition around him.

7. What does your dating life look like now?

It looks like a 28-year-old kid hitting on me in my drawing class. What do I do? I just want to zip up his coat for him!

8. What attributes are most attractive to you in a partner?

Patient and Funny. If he’s got those two things, we’re good.

9. a) What does your perfect love life look like?

Best Friend. Someone I can create with, work on a project with. Even if it’s just work around the house, or making a funny film. I want someone to share a creative outlet with.

b) In a word (or words), what does that scenario feel like?

Warm and Grounding.

10. Last question, do you believe in “The One”?

Yeeeeeaaahhhh………I believe in The One. There’s a lid to every pot, it’s very specific. Sounds like something your grandmother would say, doesn’t it?

Kinda, yeah. Thanks Kimberly!

Inside Voice Wrap Up: Kimberly is indeed in transition. She’s interested in love and a relationship and everything that goes with it. But not quite for right now. As she says, she’s “putting that on the shelf” for the moment. I think that’s great. Sometimes you need a little time and space to not be dating, to not focus on your interactions with potential partners. Right now, she’s focused on her work transition. She mentioned many times during our interview how her day-to-day work life is depleting her. She likes the actual work, but doesn’t really connect with the people that she works with. She feels like she doesn’t fit in there, and isolated and disconnected. Obviously, from her decision to change apartments to change her mindset, we know she’s capable of change. I think that when Kimberly makes a decision to either go to grad school, or change jobs, or both, she’ll feel renewed. Ideally, it would be great for her to have a work environment where she can be herself as completely as possible. If this is the case, I think it’s likely she’ll meet someone great through work. Not necessarily a coworker, but maybe a friend of a friend connected with work, that kind of thing. As she said, Kimberly needs a medium for meeting people, and a happy work life is a rich resource. Until then, however, we’ll work on her flirting skills!

***Some names have been changed, some haven’t. Each woman has the option to use her own name or choose her fantasy pseudonym. I’m not telling which ones are which. Hear these women’s voices. Listen to their stories. They’re just like you!

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Filed under Inside Your Career, Inside Your Love Life

Work vs. Love: What’s More Important?

Work vs. Love. What’s more important to you?

I just picked up the latest copy of Time Out New York. And what do I see on the cover? NYC Dating NOW! Well, well, well, this looks interesting.

And what is the very first question on the very first page of the cover story? Which is more important to you right now? Being successful in my chosen career OR Finding a long-term relationship? Of the 100 people who took this poll, 61% chose career. Only 39% chose relationship.

I’ve asked this question in my interviews for The Dating Project. And oftentimes my ladies agree that YES, right now work trumps love.

So now I’m asking YOU. What do you think? Is “right now” the most important qualifier? How about 5 years from now? 10 years from now? Is this a New York thing?

Please comment here, we’re dying to know what you think. Work vs. Love: What’s More Important?

Front and Center!

Cover Story

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Filed under Inside Your Career, Inside Your City, Inside Your Love Life

Hesitation…till the very last moment.

Should I go to yoga class?

As I walk down the subway stairs, I can’t decide. While I wait on the platform to transfer to the local train, I’m on the fence. As I walk up the stairs onto the street, I waver.  Pounding the pavement toward the studio, I’m still torn.  I open the door, and here I am.

I guess I’m going to class.

Sometimes decisions are made with my feet. My whole body propels me forward, while my mind flounders. If not for the momentum of my body, I’d be stuck going in circles, or worse, paralyzed with doubt.

It’s hesitation till the very last moment. Ever feel that? Perhaps you have plans to attend a holiday party. Or meet some friends for a drink. Or even go to the gym for a quick workout. The mind says…”Maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, etc.”  And before you know it, you’ve arrived at your destination, and the answer becomes “YES.”  Phew, the sweet relief of a decision made.

It’s exhausting. You’ve just spent more energy hesitating than on the actual business at hand. And now the Holiday Season is officially here, an already stressful time. Don’t you want to make things easier on yourself? So when the mind whips up a generous helping of confusion, indecision and doubt, just keep moving forward. One step at a time.

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Filed under Inside the Yoga Studio, Inside Your Career